Some of the best people in history did not believe in God,
while some of the worst deeds were done in His name.
Pope Francis I - attributed

Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era (1868-1912), received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen.
     Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor’s cup full, and then kept on pouring.
     The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself: “It is overfull. No more will go in!”
     “Like this cup,” Nan-in said, “you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”

Each of us is living a separate, unique-to-me or unique-to-you life. These lives consist of lots of people each of whom has separate and unique lives as well. So, my life includes lots of people and stuff that simultaneously (I assume, there being only One Time. Now) exist and appear in their own lives. And just so, I exist in all their separate lives. Yes, it is all One, but a One composed of separate and unique and simultaneous … us.
      Each of these lives occurs in the world … whatever precisely that word includes.

A friend has a new Subaru that at a traffic light while waiting for a red light to turn green, essentially turns itself off. Not dead off, just off. And then when the driver steps on the pedal, the engine reawakens instantly. Less pollution? Save gas? I wonder if that is not the way the mind, my mind, your mind, is designed, intended, to function. That is, normally silent, empty. At peace. We are alive and about, but the mind has nothing going on in it; none of the constant, meaningless, purposeless noise we (I) experience regularly … even at night, dreaming, nightmaring. Then, when a need arises — a question is asked, a phone rings, an alert is appropriate, whatever, the mind activates itself, and functions … as needed. Whatever is necessary is done, and then the mind returns to pause status again. Like a Subaru engine. Why not.
      If so, how do we reach that place. Is that Self-Realization? A point along the way to Realization? Is this the purpose of some of the practices Teachers talk about — those that quiet and cleanse the mind … eventually to empty it? Or not?

Here's an image. Decades ago, I served as an officer on a destroyer in the US Navy. In addition to their assigned billet, officers stood four-hour watches on the Bridge as Officer of the Deck (OOD). In the words of The Naval Shiphandler's Guide One of the most important principles of ship handling is that there be no ambiguity as to who is controlling the movements of the ship. One person gives orders …. And so it is with our lives. The question a Seeker must address is Who is that One Person?

Which raises the question: How come consideration of creation and evolution never talks about the mind? Today, I am thinking that the purpose, the function, of the mind is to serve as a direct channel — Direct Channel — to and from God. A constantly open connection from each of us, you and me, to the Divine. Not constantly noisy, constantly open. And, just so, by evolution, the mind — my mind, your mind — is learning to be quiet, to listen and respond rather than endlessly chatter.
      And that is where evolution applies. Just as we evolve and improve physically over time, millenia, so do we evolve mind-wise. We start out with a mind that is forever uselessly and noisily in motion, but over time, millenia, our mind evolves, matures, becomes quiet and responsive to … God. Of course we think of evolution as being all about us — all about me — but maybe it is about God too … or only.

Our mind, my mind and your mind, are our link to God. The body — hair to toes — is simply something to live in while we are experiencing evolutionary growth and development of our mind, each of which, again, are our direct link to the Devine, Creator, God.
      Why is the evolutionary process necessary? Because what happens when we reach (remember, that's reach, not achieve) Self-Realization, our minds will be, must be, empty, silent. Why? Because at that event, our mnds — my mind and your mind, each — unite. merge, in, to, God's Mind, and God obviously does not want our stuff crowding and festering in His Mind. I mean, think about what's in our minds? Can you blame Him. So, at that point we each become at one (word?) with, in, of, at, God. What exactly does that mean? I have no idea. But, again, I am certain it is true. Again, remember it was Nisargadatta (a Self-Realized Teacher), I am pretty sure, who wrote that when he spoke to seekers he heard what he was saying at the same time as the seekers heard it. I take that to mean (he did not write this) that his speaking to seekers was in fact God speaking through, as, by, in him. And for that to occur, it makes sense to me that his mind, his voice, has to be clean, empty, junkless. And getting our mind — your mind and my mind — to that condition, that state, is what we are doing here now, albeit slowly, but hopefully sincerely. The spiritual evolutionary process.
      How long does the maturing, evolving process take? I don't know, but my guess is, at least as long as we wonder how long it will take.

Now, when I say, which I do increasingly often, that the purpose of our current lifetimes is to empty, cleanse, our mind — my mind and your mind — so that it can merge into, transcend to, God's Mind without dirtying It or contaminating It. This is an image I have in, yea, my mind: Picture a rural woodsy area with a large river running through it. And here & there alongside both sides of this great river are riverlets flowing into It. In my image, the river is God's Mind, the riverlets are your mind and my mind.
      Mind you, it is just an image.

OK. This morning Nancy and I talked a few minutes about what exactly (of course neither of us knows exactly) exists at Self-Realization while the Realizer is still bodily alive. I say bodily here because I do not know what exactly exists to a Realizer after the physical body dies. It seems clear to me that, whatever it is, it is different from what remans when a non-realizer dies. And of course I do not know what precisely that becomes, either. Both continue beyond physical death — I am certain of that, but just as the two are different so too is undoubtedly what continues.

How do I know any of this to be true? Obviously, I don't. In fact, for all I know, I'm making it up. But here's the thing: It figures. Now, if you are an atheist, by which I mean you truly, fully, clearly are certain there is no God, not even a thing even remotely like a God, then nothing on this page — or, for that matter, on this site — makes sense or serves any rational purpose, except perhaps to amuse. But that is not where I am. I am convinced, I have been convinced all my life, that there is a God. I do not know what that sentence means exactly, sometimes even sort of, but I know without a doubt that it is true. And that forces my mind to wonder. Which is why TZF.

I am near certain that at physical death, the personality continues. I'm still Stefan and you're still your name. I expect that, depending upon how old we are at death (in years lived and lives lived reincarnation-wise), we are variably comfortable there, and variably able and therefore likely to take advantage of whatever is there. My experience has been that when travelling to a foreign country, the experience is more fun and more profitable when I have learned in advance a bit about the culture and the language. Here too, I suppose.
      But what about at Self-Realization? If I properly understand what I have read, Self-Realization only happens (must happen) during bodily life, sometimes (often?) as we die. That is, apparently the act of death can click it. But if it has not happened before or into physical death, it will not happen until after physical rebirth (which is another reason I am pretty much convinced that reincarnation is a fact, see here). All the Teachers I am aware of were reportedly (and by the evidence of their Teaching content and behavior) Self-Realized, and it happened during their life time. For example, as I read Matthew 3:16, the appearance of a dove at Jesus/Issa's baptism is intended to indicate Self-Realization.
      About Self-Realization. I have said this somewhere before, and I am saying it again here. I think that what happens (among other things) is, the mind is cleared. Emptied. No content. That is, Self-Realization is not about getting more or achieving more or knowing more. Self-Realization is more about less than it is about more … which undoubtedly evolves into actually being more. Again, my guess is, when the time is right, when we are ready, God generates our Self-Realization in order to use our bodily functions for Herself. To see through us. Hear through us. Speak through us. Here I love Nisargadatta's assertion to a student, I hear what I am saying to you the same moment you hear it (maybe not an accurate quotation, but very close). I take that to be Nisargadatta telling us, I am not speaking to you. God is speaking to you by my voice. And to accomplish that, God had to empty Nisargadatta's mind of the egoic fundamental principle, I am me, and you aren't. That's Self-Realization. For me, that makes sense. It explains, justifies, creation. God is not creating an other, not any others. God is expanding Himself. And — to avoid our perceiving ourselves as I'm God, you're not — God empties our mind … and, maybe, fills it with Himself. Figures.

Bodily death. When I say that we survive bodily death, what do I mean? Obviously, the body does not survive. And yet the few stories I have read of those who have survived death and returned always seem to report that persons they encounter — family, friends — are immediately recognized. I say seem because, come to that, I cannot remember any after death story that included any reference at all to the bodily question. Like, Gee, guess what, everyone looked the same! The reporters seem to recognize the dead people they meet which presumably suggests a bodily resemblance; but, again, I cannot recall anyone ever specifically mentioning that. Why not? And how come this question has never arisen in my mind before? (That's a question for another time.) Clearly, an after death encounter cannot be bodily — the stuff has been cremated. Is the after death bodily experience all mental? (And again I repeat, I am talking here about physical death, death of the physical body. This has nothing to do with Self-Realization … I think.) An exclusively mind experience? In other words, all that exists after physical death is mind, maybe even just one mind in which we all — we and whatever else there is — exist. (Thought: Just as we always have, just as it has always been?) And we perceive each other in a manner that our mind remembers, that is bodily. And just as we (well, I) have not even considered this question until just a few minutes ago, maybe likewise we do not consider it there either. Which confirms what all the Teachers tell us: The world we live in is a mental creation. There is no such thing as a thing.

Increasingly I am noticing that I perceive life — me, my life, Nancy, our house, our neighborhood, our town, our State, our country, our world, as a single whole, one entire single whole. Not many, one. Not theoretically, actually. Not two people, a cat, a car, a house, friends and relatives, various experiences. Just one, undivided and indivisible. I walk two miles every day (doctor's order decades ago, and I have obeyed her faithfully: Walk briskly, Stefan, not run — now an old man, I do it less briskly, but I still do it), and it's composed of me, the pavement, grass and trees, automobiles, houses, fences, other people, clouds, the sky. Stuff. But lately, every so often, it happens — I see it all as one. It is sometimes accompanied by a chill. And it is impossible (for me) to experience that and not realize (lower case r, I am not making any claim here) that the entirety of existence is composed not of millions of people, billions of trees, quadrillions of planets, quintillions of ants. It is one, one whole. There is no beginning, no ending. No boundaries. No parts. It is composed of parts only in my mind, our minds. In Truth there is no such thing as parts.
      Like a human body. We say a human body is composed of parts, but it isn't really. The parts aren't separate things. Yes, we say they are, medically we need to do that: a head, two arms, a liver, ten toes. And if we lose a leg — say an automobile accident — we still consider what's left a human body. But is it? Cut a leg off a human body, and it isn't really a human body any more. Why? Because a human body consists of a lot of stuff … including two legs.
      I guess the question is, when does a human body cease being a human body? Yea, that's weird, even discomfiting. Let's use a different example, say, an automobile. Remove a wheel, and is it still an automobile? How about if we remove all four wheels, the engine, the suspension system, the doors, the seats, and the trunk? Is it still an automobile? To be an automobile, a thing needs to have, needs to include, all those things. Thus, an automobile really is all of those things. An automobile is not composed of all those parts; an automobile is all those parts.
      We don't see it that way because our mind seems to think in terms of parts. Think about it: We see our lives, we see everything, as being composed of parts. We see the universe as being composed of parts: galaxies, planets, stars, nebulae, quasars, black holes. We see Life that way, too: us and God. Or, if you like: us, angels, devils, et cetera, and God. But it is not like that. Life is a Single Whole.
      And to see that, See That, I have to empty my mind. You too, empty your mind. As I suggested here a few days (weeks?) ago, Self-Realization is a mind emptied of … stuff. Why is it emptied? It is emptied so that we can see the One as one! Not a whole bunch of parts in a basket (another part!) — One. There exists, there is, just one thing, and it is Life, and we are That — That is we. No parts. If we are looking for parts, thinking in terms of parts, we will never see it. It'll be there, here, but we will be unable to see it.

Ultimately there is no individual separate I. The only I there is is all there is. And yet we know a thing, as I see a chair I know today is Wednesday — a sense of many. But at the same time, not exactly simultaneously, an Awareness of One, All is One. Is it a difference between It is and It is here? It is is not … personal. It is here is personal. It answers the question Where? which is Where I am.

If there is only One I — that is, no such thing as me and you, here and there, yesterday, today, tomorrow, yes and no — then there is no such thing as God, no that is God, this isn't. Belief in God is not necessary. It feels good, it lifts up, it reassures. But God is not a thing. God is the nature of reality, the Nature of Reality. The Universe (that's Universe with a capital U) and God are one and the same, One and the Same. God is All There Is. There is nothing but God. God is not a thing I can believe in. God is something I can be Aware of. And ultimately that Awareness is All There Is. And I am Aware of God only when it is appropriate — necessary — that I do so. Otherwise, God Simply Is — and I know it.

What or where is God? I am convinced that God is All There Is. That is to say, there is nothing in the Universe (capital U) that God is not and that is not God. Here is the way I see it. When I dream while sleeping, the dream itself is all I am aware of. For all I know, the dream is all there is. (I say this in the first person because clearly I cannot speak for anyone else's dreaming experience, but I suppose it is similar. Thus, where I say I feel free to substitute we.) And here's the thing about dreams. Dreams seem to be composed of people and things and places and events, but they are not, are they? They are all, the entirety is, one thought — or, if you prefer, one mental phenomenon — and that's all. And just like a dream, that's what my life is, your life is, everybody's life is. A mind event. It is all taking place in the mind, my mind, your mind. That is, each of us has (is?) a mind in which (by which? as which?) I live my life and you live your life.
      All of these lives (and dreams) are taking place … where? In God. Whatever that means. As I understand (?) it, Self-Realization is (in part) about this. I say that with some confidence because I am convinced (based only on educated conjecture) that the crux, the heart, of Self-Realization is a mind free of content. All the noise and chattering that goes on in our minds all day (and night: dreams) is silenced, emptied … to make room for God. Is Self-Realization about (in part) Realizing the Self by shutting up the distractions that fill our lives (our minds, which is where our lives live, are lived) all the time, day and night. God is always there ‒ Here ‒ but we are too distracted being me-not-you to see it, to experience it, to know it.

Nothing bodily means anything.

There is no such thing as free will. (I Am That pg 356)

Recently, when sitting silently, I am occasionally experiencing moments which I labelled dead time until reading in I Am That pg 218: Did you notice yourself becoming unconscious? Yes, occasionally, and for a very short time (there is in the same book another better consideration of these moments, but I don't remember the page). These moments are definitely not sleep. They are unlike anything I have ever experienced. I am not aware of their happening or occurring until after, when I regain consciousness. How do they feel? There is no feeling. They just are, in and of themselves. The description that comes to my mind is I was turned OFF. Not dead, not asleep, not unaware … OFF.

There is only One Self, the Self
The Self is All There is
All There Is is The Self
This (whatever) is the Self
I Am That
So Am You

You and I are the same Self. There is only one Self.
Sri Nisargadatta I Am That p 137

I Am all of this
All of this I Am
All of this is because I Am
?

Love

In Truth, love is not personal. Nothing is personal. Why? Because there is no such thing as a person.

There is the I that I Am. That's it.

And so love not persons, people, the world. Yes, that's a good beginning, a place to start. But reach further. Love yourself. Not as me or mine or myself. As the Self.

Know I Am The Self.

It will not come easily, quickly. But it will come. If you truly want it.

God can tell the difference. So don't bother faking it.

Know the Self is All There Is. Love The Self.

Honestly Truly Entirely Totally Invariably Completely No Exceptions Absolutely

Until all that's left is Love.

All there is is Love. Love is all there is.

Love

I have moved the item about Tonia here

Make your thinking orderly
and free from emotional overtones.
Sri Nisargatta

Reading this morning from I Am That … I awaken at about four and read from one of the Teachers, originally for an hour or so, more recently a few lines picked at random — by now Nancy and I have each read all of the books more than once, a few several times, and still doing so … this is what came to mind: The entirety of the Universe (capital U) is a single Identity: I Am That I Am. Our initial perception is that Single Identity is God, and that assertion (to Moses at Exodus 3:14) is God affirming that Fact. But as I learn (ingest) the Reality of Self-Realization (as I figure it), it is (increasingly) apparent to me that the I in I Am That I Am is not only God speaking, but also every Teacher who, as I define the label Teacher, is Self-Realized. And, let us recall, they all tell us that where they are, there is only one I. It does not seem so to us because as we hear them and read their words, we perceive each as one among a few: Issa/Jesus. Ramana, Nisargadatta, et al, even as they insist to us that it is in Truth otherwise. So when God says I Am That I Am to Moses, He Knows that Moses is not another and ultimately is the Same I as I Am.
      Today, I (we) can say that, and write it, but not See it. Seeing it, Knowing it, cannot be faked or forced. It is not an opinion; it is not even knowledge. It is What Is. At I Am That pg 343: Nothing will remain, all will remain. The sense of identity will remain, but no longer identification with a particular body. Being — awareness — love will shine in full splendor. Liberation is never of the person, it is always from the person. … A vague memory remains, like the memory of a dream or early childhood. I remember reading of a fellow, not a particularly avid seeker as I recall, and one day, walking to his job BOOM Self-Realization struck him. Even Nisargadatta says somewhere that, yes, he loved his Guru, and obeyed him, but he did not follow a particularly complicated practise (again, as I remember reading it). As I see it, God plants it, and it grows … we evolve (Darwin-ly?) — in His time in His way. From all I read, we cannot make it happen, we do not make it happen. I suppose (guess) that we can fertilize it, encourage it, by reading stuff, meditating, behaving like a civilized adult, but in the end, our role is simply to let it happen, welcome it, embrace it, Be It.

This life we live is a kindergarten. We are infants being taught, being prepared, being grown. This life each of us lives, each of us is living, thinking we are individual, personal, particular, is God, an aspect of God … in Growth.
      Yes, we are infants, but not multiple infants. We — as a unit, as a whole — are God in Infancy. Again, there is no God but God, and God IS ALL THERE IS. So, we are God — each of us, all of us, as a single whole, is God. No, not the Whole of God. The whole of us is God, but we are not the Whole of God. I am going to write — say — that again: The whole of us is God, but we are not the Whole of God.
      Our life is a nursery, a children's birth place and a children's school. But again — and yes, I am repeating myself — we appear to be a bunch of us, but in Truth we are One, only One, because One is All There Is. Learning that, ingesting that, is part, a good part, of what this nursery is all about.
      We are not we. We are I — the One and Only I, constantly infinitely inevitably divinely growing from creation through infancy to adulthood … which is Self-Realization (I think).
      Some while ago I wrote these lines, then in humor, now maybe not so much:

You and I are an embodiment of God … in infancy.
Our I (ego) is God's I (I AM THAT I AM) … in infancy.
You and I define our self as me, my body, my life.
At Self-Realization that finite I (ego)
transcends into the One and Only Infinite I
That Is All There Is,
ever was, ever will be.
But until then, you and I are fully loved
in God's Kindergarten.

      Once again, we — you and I — are God as fetus, God as embryo, God as infant, God as child, God as teenager, God as graduate … at Self-Realization. But remember — and this is important, this is essential, so never forget it, we must remind ourselves constantly — we are not individual, personal, separate persons. There is Only One, God. There is no such thing as personal. There is ONLY universal, UNIVERSAL. We seem like many, like you and me, many multiple lives being lived in many multiple places during many multiple times. All of that is an illusion, the illusion. This is a nursery a place where the young, be they children or plants, are cared for and nurtured. And taught who and what and where they are: I Am. That's us, that's what we are, the Infinite Eternal Unknowable One God … in infancy.
      And that may be another argument for reincarnation. I spent like seventeen years in school, not counting Navy OCS, a variety of classes while serving in the Navy, then the Foreign Service Institute, and other classrooms long since forgotten. And, in effect, I was a different person in each of those occasions. Undoubtedly, you, whoever you are, have lived a similar life made up of multiple learning experiences. Why not different classes in — as — different lives? As above, so below. The more I consider it, the more sense it makes.
      But again, last word: Remind yourself, remind myself, what appears to us as many — me, we, you, they, these, those — is one, One, I. One is All There Is, ever was, ever will be.

Mind vs Awareness. This morning, sitting — I think I have never learned how to meditate, so for me, what I do then is sit … silent, thoughtless, or rather as nearly thoughtless as I can … and not following any thoughts that do arise, which, yes, is not easy) — but that has nothing to do with Mind vs Awarness … or does it?
      Anyway, this is what came to mind this morning. And it is guessing. Mind is a collection of stuff: memories, anticipations, expectations, desires, regrets, fear (actually, fear may be something else, something separate), and thoughts. The mind's contents are all in the past. Yes, they may be about the future, but it is a future thought about, anticipated, expected, hoped for (or hoped not). The past is in the mind. Actually, the future too. Both the past and the future are in the mind. None of it — not its happening or its consideration — is happening now, Now.
      Which means: The mind is about the past and the future, not now. The mind is not even occurring now. In some sense I cannot put into words, the mind has its own time. No, I do not know what that means, but I am (pretty) sure it is true.
      Where the action is, all the action, is NOW. Now (capital N) is all there is. Now (ditto) is not a thing. Now (ditto) is not even an aspect of time (that's a subject to wonder).
      But if mind is not here now, what is? Awareness (capital A). Awareness is empty. There is nothing — no thing — in Awareness. I have a feeling Awareness (yes, capital A) is all there is. The Universe is Awareness.
      Awareness of what? What ever I want to be aware of. Whatever circumstances require. There will be a donkey … Matthew 21.2 He didn't think there would be a donkey; he didn't hope there would be a donkey; he didn't anticipate there would be a donkey; he didn't imagine there would be a donkey. He was AWARE there would be a donkey.
      Did his awareness create the donkey? Are creation and awareness synonyms? Clearly, Awareness is an aspect of Being. Maybe even a synonym of Being. I Am and Aware are synonyms?
      And so who or what is the I that is Aware? Being (capital B). For me, these, uh, thoughts confirm (I think) that the mind dissolves at Self-Realization. If there is mind there, it is a different product. At the least, it is a tamed product. Me and mind are synonyms? If so, yes, I Am and Aware are synonyms.
      And whatever it is, it is not personal. Not Stefan or your name. It is the only I there is … or ever was or ever will be. If it has a name, which it does not, it is Being.

Today, walking my Rx-prescribed two-mile daily walk (That's walk, Stefan, not run) which I have been obeying for decades, I recognized the agreement, if that's the word, I have with my physical body: I care and provide for it (rest, nutrition, medical), and it serves me as a device (?) in which and as which to live. For as long as we both agree. Silly perhaps, but a discipline.

From Nisargadatta in I Am That (aside: this is truly a wondrous book … Nancy and I have each read it several times, and here I am at quarter to five this morning still doing so): To the Self, the world is but a colorful show which he enjoys … whatever happens makes him shudder in terror or roll with laughter, yet all the time he is aware it is but a show. Without desire or fear, he enjoys it as it happens.
      So, just for fun, sitting here, the book on my lap, I imagined myself not as Stefan but as Self-Realized, the Self, the witness, looking at the world — the book, my lap, the chair, a plant, a desk, a window, the remaining darkness out the window. Silent, still, beholding a scene as if from above, separate, detached, observing. It took a while, but then, yes, it was different, it worked. No, of course it is not the same as being Self-Realized — whatever that is like (see here) — but it was different. Maybe a hint. At least, fun.

Life is constant. That's Life … not life. Life (capital L) is beyond, Beyond. Beyond what? Beyond What Is.
      Stefan and your name are moments in the Endless Uninterrupted Never-Begun Never-Ending Continuation of Life. Think roles played by actors. Stefan and your name is each a role, the actor is life, Life. Except Life is more than that. Far more. It is more like the role, Stefan and your name, is each a blip in Life. And blips continue, one after another, until Self-Realization. Do they serve a person? I think so. It is to learn Who and What and Where and Why we are.
      Each blip is not just the person (body) — Stefan or your name — it (the blip) is the entirety of each person and so includes everything that Stefan calls the universe (note the lower case u) and everything that your name calls the universe (lower case). Each of us lives in a separate or individual (word?) universe (lower case) that is, effectively, Stefan and your name. We might call it “Stefan's universe” or “your name's universe.” That is, each of our lives includes — actually, is — a universe (lower case u). Thus, today in my universe, I meet you reading these words as I write them, and in your universe you meet me as you read them, but each of those events, those meetings, occurs in a separate universe.
      And yes, each of these universes overlaps one another in some manner so that each of us, you and I, has (is?) a life lived in a universe that is my own and your own but simultaneously (?) includes participation in another‘s life and universe.
      From there, it follows that at Stefan‘s death the universe in which I lived (actually, to be “precise”, the universe that was Stefan) dissolves (dies, disappears). Likewise you, at your name‘s death, the universe that was you dies with you.
      Yes, it seems complicated, even absurd, but we need to remind ourselves (frequently) that we live in, we are, a reality created by an infinite, omnipotent, omniscient Creator for Whom manufacturing a sequence like the one I suggest here is peanuts. And besides, the Teachers all tell us, insist, we and what we are living is an illusion, a dream. And in dreams, elephants fly … and no one questions it.

The Teaching process, Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj in I Am That:
Question: When a man comes to you for advice … what is your role?
Nisargadatta: In me. the man and his self come together.
Q: Why does not the self help the man without you?
N: But I am the self! You imagine me as separate, hence your question.There is no my self and his self. There is the Self, the only Self of all. Misled by the diversity of names and shapes, minds and bodies, you imagine multiple selves. We both are the Self … If he comes, he is sure to get help. Because he was destined to get help, he came. There is nothing fanciful about it. …
Q: Why must he come here to get advice? Can't he get it from within?
N: He will not listen. His mind is turned outward. But in fact all experience is in the mind, and even his coming to me and getting help is all within himself. Instead of finding an answer within himself, he imagines an answer from without. To me, there is no me, no man, and no giving. All this is merely a flicker in the mind.

In yoga there are several paths or disciplines, two of which are jnana (sometimes gnana) which is the pursuit of wisdom, specifically spiritual knowledge and understanding of the Self and of the Divine, as a means of spiritual awakening and liberation, and bhakti which is about God as a personal Divinity, the devotion of which is a means of spiritual realization and liberation. I am not sure if it's legal, but I consider myself to be a practitioner of both, simultaneously.
      There is an aspect of my relationship with God that is personal and private. Something I have never put into words, never expressed out loud, except to Nancy. I am moved to go public here, now. Maybe because I am old. To some readers, it will seem self-evident, no big deal, even DUH! To others it will seem contradictory, as in, what's the point? They'll say Psalm 95: Come, let's shout praises to GOD, raise the roof for the Rock who saved us! Let's march into his presence singing praises, lifting the rafters with our hymns! Still others may find it disrespectful.
      I get that, all of that. But to me it just is, and has always been.
      In a sense it is about respect. In Aretha Franklin's wondrous voice, R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Respect of God as a Presence. Infinite, Eternal, Omnipotent. Yes, of course, all of that. But in this context it is respect of God as an active, personal, constant, intimate aspect of my life. What Is. In my life. As my life. Like breathing, essential natural always … but unspoken. Respect and count on. Expect and lean on. Knowing without a doubt that God is here wherever and whenever and however. Walk across the street, and God follows me. Fall asleep, and God is at the foot of my bed, waiting for me to awaken. Enter a shop, a doctor's office, an auto garage, God is present. At birth and at death. Always. No exceptions. No buts. I don't have to ask for Her (although I do, when I remember to do so). I don't need to look for Her. She is there, here. And I know it. I am aware of Her. A presence. Present. Wherever whenever however. Provided …
      Provided I do not make a fuss of it. Don't turn it into a ritual. A ceremony. Even an event. And don't claim it. I did not cause it, it is not mine. It just is. And, yes, I know, God is not a pet. God is not a nanny. But to me, what I'm talking about here is real. Meaning what? Again, I don't know. This is simply a reality that has always been, that I have always felt, always known. Since childhood. It is not something I do so much as it is something I am, something I have always been.
      Mind you, nothing here, none of this, changes anything. The Ultimate Truth remains as it is, always was, always will be. Unmolested, unaltered.
      There is no God but God, and God is All There Is.
      So what has this this got to do with anything?
      Nothing.
      Except this: I am never alone.
      A shared thought.

I cannot change my past. I cannot alter the future. Both seem to depend on the same misconceptions of who and what and where and when I am.
      The Here and Now alone is What Is.
      As I understand the Teachers, Here and Now is not about time and space. It is Beyond what we consider here and now.
      And I don't know it, can't see it, because I am distracted by desire, regret, expectation. In a word, I am here and now, not Here and Now.
      I am always remembering (joyfully or painfully) or anticipating (joyfully or painfully). I am never here, now, thoughtless, silent.
      Why? My guess, fear. I suppose I am afraid to release the past and ignore the future. Remembering and anticipating is a fruitless attempt at control. Ultimately, to define what Stefan means, who Stefan is.
      It's nonsense, of course. But we (I) do it anyway, all our lives. Thinking, not being.
      I identify myself like a cartoon character. How ridiculous is that!
      Be here now. In mind and in body. Stop wondering and wandering. Learn to live in place, not in the mind. The mind is a tool. It belongs in a drawer, not in control. All the Teachers insist on it. Words. Easy to say, hopelessly difficult to attain.
      Am I ever in the present? Actually, what I call the present is not really present. Not really absent recollection or expectation. Not silent. The True Present is thoughtless. Am I ever thoughtless? When is my mind truly silent, in a tool drawer, where it belongs? Can a mind actually be silent? No personality. No history. No future. Just now.
      Surely that's a definition of Self-Realization.
      Which is, yes, difficult. But if Clare of Assisi can do it, if Nisargadatta can do it, if Sarada Devi can do it, if Ramana can do it, if Issa can do it, I can do it.
      Overcome Stefan, and be I. Which is all I am already.
      Put Stefan in a drawer … with his mind.
      What does it take? I don't know. Fervent desire not to desire. Silence a constantly noisy mind. Unlimited commitment. Unconditional surrender. Naked determination. Attributeless being.
      God's Will.
      Stop trying. Let it be.
      Nothing to it.
      In the words of Roemer, a Russian astronaut in the movie 2010: Easy as cake, piece of pie.

Genesis 3: God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die’ … But the serpent said to the woman, ‘You will not die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.’ … And the Lord God said, ’The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever.’ So the Lord God banished him.
      Is that about Self-Realization?
      … your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God … and live forever. If so, why must we not be allowed to reach out and take also from the tree of life? Well, as I understand Self-Realization, it is definitely not about reaching out and taking. It is about learning to behave, emptying the mind, surrendering to the Divine, and essentially becoming worthy of having it descend upon us. Just so, I expect God, knowing that, sent Lucifer to a teachers college and banished us to His school, where we are now. Why a serpent? In the words of Jesus/Issa, wise as a serpent (Matthew 10:16).
      It's in the Bible!

On awakening this morning, reading a few lines from Nisargadatta (as I do every morning more or less, just a few lines, Nisargadatta or another): Do nothing. Just be. In being all happens naturally (page 227).
      I put the book down, and sat in silence, doing nothing. And then I realized that I was not doing nothing, I was thinking about doing nothing. I was observing myself thinking about doing nothing. I realized that do nothing is misleading because of the presence of the word do. doing nothing is a self-contradiction. What are you doing? I am doing nothing.
      Doing anything, even nothing, requires time. The NOW the Teachers talk about is timeless. They all say that. Their Now is not like our now; it is not the opposite of later or earlier. It is of itself. It is all there is. It is What Is. It is Now.
      And this morning, struggling with this idea, this concept, this reality, It suddenly clicked, and I saw it, I felt it, I was it. It lasted only … a short while, but it was real, Real. And it is not about doing nothing because even that is about doing something: nothing, and in these few moments, there was no sense whatsoever of another, of this is doing anything, not even nothing. At that moment there was no another, of doing. There was only Now: Being. It was real, it was actual. It was restful, uplifting, silent, free. It felt different, it was different. Better. Nice. Timeless — yes, there was no sense of time. It was weird … clear, unobstructed, sufficient. Is that what Self-Realization is? I wonder.

Here's a morning awakening thought: Why am I thinking all the time? Or, am I thinking all the time? Does it seem like I am thinking all the time precisely because thinking is an untrained, uncontrolled, unbridled awareness function?
      Clearly, thinking has a purpose. But is it necessary that it be going on all the time? Or is it going on all the time?
      There are several questions here:
   — Is thinking going on all the time?
   — If so, is that because my thinking is not properly controlled by me? It is always ON because I have not ever learned how to turn it OFF?
   — If so, can I learn to control my thinking? Turn it ON and OFF?
   — Or is my thinking sometimes actually OFF but I am not aware of it because awareness, self-awareness, is a factor of thinking? If awareness of thinking is itself thought, then not thinking is. includes, unawareness of not thinking.
      In other words, is the mind ever actually fully silent, truly not thinking? Surely the answer to that is yes but … I am not aware of it because awareness of not thinking is itself a function of thought. When a light in a room is turned OFF, one can't see even the light. Does awareness of not thinking require thinking?
      Which raises the question: Are there moments — seconds? minutes? hours? days? when I am not thinking, but awareness thereof is an aspect of thinking, of thought, so if I am not thinking I am not aware of them. If I am not aware of not thinking when I am not thinking, then of course I would not know I am not thinking. I would simply be living from one set of thinking moments to another set of thinking moments without any awareness of the not thinking moments in between.
      Which raises this question.
      If the mind is a servant whose function is to think, is it intended to think all the time? Or only when needed, wanted, necessary. Thank you, Jeeves, for serving dinner. Now, please leave the room. Madam and I are going to … Well, that's the point, isn't? It's none of his business. Why can't we say that to the mind? Or can we … and just don't know how? And if we are actually thinking all of the time, is it unavoidable or is it a habit? At birth, is an infant born thinking? Or do we in effect learn to think from the adults around us? That is, as infants are we born thinking only when necessary, and our minds are silent otherwise. But noticing the adults around us thinking all of the time, we follow their lead. My mother smoked like a chimney. Presumably I was not born with that habit. But it didn't take long. What else did I learn from loving adults?
      So, could thinking be like a bedroom lamp. We turn it ON when we need to see. But OFF when we don't, when we choose, when we want, to be in darkness … in silence. Like, to sleep. It is my understanding that Teachers' minds are silent except when needed. Is that a factor of Self-Realization, or is it something they have learned? It seems our minds think all night — dreams, nightmares. What about so-called deep sleep? I have read that is the healthiest form or time of sleep. Do we dream (think) while in deep sleep? If not, why isn't all sleep deep sleep? Do Teachers dream while asleep? I don't know, but I'll bet not.

Consider this: As a child, I believed in Santa Claus. Really, I did. As an adult, I believe in Stefan. This morning, I am certain the difference between those two sentences is mostly, even entirely, spelling.
      What does that mean? I don't know. But on awakening today, I am sure, even certain, it is true, True. I can feel it.
      Increasingly I am convinced that whatever I am is beyond, infinitely beyond, everything I perceive, everything I will ever perceive as Stefan. Stefan as a person among billions of other persons in a universe of cats and dogs and frogs and planets, is an illusion, my illusion. Who is me? I don't know. But as a thing Stefan and his life, even his being, exists only in my mind (ditto you and your mind). Whose mind, precisely? I am unable to answer that question … today. But it is not the me I will see in the mirror when I shave this morning. None of what I will see in the mirror this morning is.
      And the beat goes on.

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