These are excerpts from two letters to TZF’s good friend, Elsa Joy Bailey, written in response to a question about balance and neck pain difficulties she was experiencing at the time.
First, from Stefan:
Oh, no, not an inner ear infection! Agghh! Quite a few years back, Nancy suffered an inner ear viral (not bacterial) infection. At first, the symptoms were so fierce (vertigo), she could hardly stand up. Needless to say, it scared her. And, while they diminished over time, the symptoms continued for years. It was not a happy period. Actually, she wrote a book about it. “Sun Days, Moon Days” is its title. I like it very much, but shortly after we printed it (in very limited numbers) she decided to put it back in a closet.
Anyway, as you might imagine, Nancy spent a lot of that time asking, as you are, “What would You have me learn from this?” In the end, at the risk of putting words in her mouth, I think she would say it was about surrender, or unconditional release of the common human desire (stronger in some than others but present in us all) to be in clear, strict, predictable control of our lives. Somewhere along the spiritual path, each of us has got to give that up, and eventually each of us will do so, either willingly or under duress. Happily, as awful as the struggle may be at the time, the rewards we gain from losing to God are numberless and wonderful!
Speaking of illness generally, my perspective is, first, attend to the physical symptoms. So long as we accept the body’s existence, we should treat it properly. However illusory the body may actually be, if it seems real to us, we must treat it as a manifestation of God, meaning with respect, love, and care. So, in these kinds of circumstances, I am inclined to figure out who would be the best practitioner (whether allopathic, homeopathic, naturapathic, chiropractic, etc. or a combination of those) to address the situation, and then take the body to them. “It seems to be broken. What have you got to fix it?”
Second, while that process is in train, we do well to remind ourselves that, there being in Truth no such thing as “a body,” there is obviously no such thing as “a sick body.” Therefore, the question becomes, what is going on inside my consciousness that is prompting me to manifest myself as a sick body? What am I trying to tell myself? If this were a movie, what would the point of it be?
One of the ways to answer that question is to consider the effects of the illness as a clue to their purpose. Thus, how is this illness altering my life? What am I unable to do now that I was doing before? Or, what am I having to do now that I was not doing before?
The answers to that inquiry will vary situation by situation, person by person, but surely they will be about such things as: Slowing down. Taking time off from work. Sleeping in once in a while. Eating more wisely. Playing less recklessly. Loving my loved ones more freely, openly, and generously. Being more understanding (humble) of others’ discomforts. Exploring the relationship between the physical and the spiritual. Praying more. Creating more quiet time. Facing fear head on. Considering death head on. Crying out loud to Mother. Asking these questions.
All of those are things which many illnesses force us to do. But all of them make a lot of sense. Who knows what the effects might be if we did them all anyway. You ask if we would send you a prayer. We are delighted to do so. Always.
Whatever you do, Elsa, don’t resist the illness. Resistance only weakens you and strengthens it. In other words, don’t think of the illness as an enemy to be defeated, but rather as an expression to be understood, something you are trying to tell yourself. Then, set out to find out what that something is, and once you have, the need for the expression will be gone. “Mother, if you want me to be sick (and nothing can interfere with Your Will), then I want to be sick. But, if it’s all the same to You, I’d like to get over it as quickly as possible. So, please, tell me what to do, what changes to make in my life, what to learn, whom to see, what to read, where to go, how to behave, and I promise to obey!” Cry if you can. Mother cannot resist our tears. Thank God.
And from Nancy:
Well, at least you can read, that’s encouraging. I understand the anxiety the wobbliness produces – in my case, I couldn’t walk for weeks without falling down, literally – so, at least it isn’t THAT bad! But the fear it produced in my own case was overwhelming – I don’t know if you are experiencing the same, but it is possible that the fear comes from the instability. By extension, you are feeling emotionally unstable because you feel physically unstable. Of course, the physical instability, by this theory, is an external manifestation of an internal event, an upheaval of energies that creates that instability. In other words, fear is part of the process.
I think, if they can find no physical cause for this in your own case, which of course an MRI will confirm for you, that it is possibly a kind of “kundalini” awakening. Indeed, even if they DO find a physical cause for it, that doesn’t discount the kundalini process. I have studied the process deeply, during and since my own encounter, and there are certain signs that accompany this process, one of them in particular being the feeling of drunkeness, full headedness, wobblyness, vertigo, ringing of the ears.
Accompanying all of this is usually seeing lights, blobs of colors, an overwhelming sense of fragility, intense headaches, weeping, a sense of expansion, usually felt in the head, and usually, electrical sensations throughout your body and often a sensation of heat, either localized or throughout the body – kind of like menopause. (I remember reading during my own event the book by Bernadette Roberts, can’t remember the title, a woman who had her own kundalini event and thought she was going nuts, and felt strange bodily sensations, including heat and energies, and attributed it to menopause.) However, each individual is unique, and some things happen to them, and some don’t. Doing the spiritual work you have done sort of puts you in the position of this kind of thing happening, if it hasn’t already happened. There are other signs as well, but these I’ve listed so far, are sort of universal.
There are a couple of books out by scientists that have studied this process that confirm the physiological expression of the process; one in particular called The Kundalini Experience by Lee Sannella was a godsend when I stumbled across it. I of course can only speak from my own personal experience and how I used the event. I initially struggled with the change that this instability brought me, as of course, we all naturally do. (I kept moaning about the fact that I couldn’t do what I “normally” did.) This was, of course, a profound lesson in itself for me at that time in my life. I found in my own case that the process turned a corner when I surrendered to the instability, the helplessness, and assumed that somehow, somewhere, this was “good” for me. Indeed, in retrospect, it was transformative. If it is kundalini, the movement of energy needs to be accepted and nourished, not resisted. The resistance in fact aggravates the process.
Usually, when huge changes are made in one’s life, particularly spiritually implicating ones, the vital energy shifts, and shows its signs on the body. It is entirely possible that you have shifted gears already, so to speak, and that there is a “blockage” (sinus related, perhaps?) where that energy has built up. This is how kundalini works; few people are fortunate enough for it to simply flow up and down without obstructions. As the spiritual process unfolds, the energy naturally grows, builds, speeds up, and, if the body isn’t ”keeping up” with that growth, there will be “stoppages”. This would be how I would see any kind of blockage in the head, in particular. Indeed, there was a period in my own case, when I finally started watching the phenomena, instead of running from it in terror, that I could literally feel the energy bounce up against my skull, and press out through the ears. (Of course my doctor said that was simply “the Virus” clogging up the ears. Well, both theories are right, of course. It just depends upon where you are standing.)
The anxiety it produced in my own case was severe. I ended up, through the grace of one doctor, taking a very common tranquilizer in very small doses, in fact so small that it didn’t really act as a tranquilizer, and so didn’t fuzz up my mind, but it did reduce the dizziness to a tolerable level. At that level, I could live with the moments of anxiety better. If anxiety is part of the process in your own case, generated by the wobbliness, you might consider this. Anxiety, incidentally, is part of the kundalini process as well. You can’t win!
Well, for the moment this ought to bring you some comfort? (well, maybe not!). I don’t know the full extent of your emotional reaction to this nor your dreams, or other symptoms to firmly suggest that this might be your situation. If you wish to share them with me, I can give you my own considerations about them. There are numerous other signs to confirm if this is kundalini.
Of course, if it isn’t, then you are home free, so to speak! They can zap you with antibiotics, and the whole thing is over and done with in due course, ideally shortly. Whatever the cause, and however it works its magic on you, as you know, you are in God’s hands, and everything is perfect, even if you don’t feel like it is, you know?
Disease is a strange beast; it brings us to our knees in desperation and humility, ideally to God; and yet it is ghastly and terrifying and causes enormous suffering until we do just that. But of course, without all of that, we would not come crawling on our knees to God, our source of all things, including ourselves. I still haven’t totally reconciled this terrible aspect of God, but someday I intend to understand it perfectly! I think there ought to be an easier way, but who am I to question these things?! Of course, if I wasn’t here to question it, there wouldn’t be the question, would there? Yup! So there you are!
You are in our prayers and our thoughts, Elsa – if I can give you more insights, please just tell me. I don’t want to burden you with too much, since this is enough to chew on at one time, I think. Keep us informed. Blessings, blessings and love.
Editor’s Note: The following paragraphs are part of a message Nancy sent to a TZF visitor who wrote us after reading Nancy's response to Elsa Joy. Of course, all personal references have been removed.
While reading this material, please remember that Nancy is not a physician, and that she is writing here simply from her own personal experience. Please do not take any action or make any decisions based on this material without first consulting a licensed health-care professional. You may wish to read our full Disclaimer here.
I am assuming that because you found my response to Elsa Joy on our web site that you are a spiritual seeker. If you are not, then perhaps my perspective will help anyway, because whether or not this developed in your cas,e as it did in mine, due to rising kundalini, it manifested in a physical manner, as a physical malady, and dealing with the physical manifestations of it will help to get through the discomfort …whatever the cause.
If you ARE a seeker, then very possibly you are in the throes of some kind of energy shift which has manifested in vertigo. On the other hand ― and this is an important caveat ― if you have recently been exposed to any kind of organo-pesticides, it is possible that they may have triggered these events. The way people use pesticides nowadays, it is all too simple to be exposed to a larger than normal dose. If that was the case, then I would urge you to consult with a medical person for assistance in antidoting the pesticide or at least removing it from your body by means of some kind of chelating agent.
Otherwise, besides the energy aspect to this kind of event, there ARE things that you can do to try to adjust the body to acclimate itself to this imbalance. A chiropractor can do some work on your neck, seeing if possibly your head has shifted off the axis at the top of your spine, which might impinge on nerves in the ear. Also, if you take a lot of aspirin, or NSAIDs, stopping taking those for several months may help (aspirin is known to cause ringing of the ears, and a Meniere’s type disease and the like by the effects on the inner ear). If it is a bacterial infection, then antibiotics should cure it; if it is viral, then time should cure it. Even so, if the inner ear is damaged by the inflammation, you may suffer for many years from occasional bouts of vertigo ― I did, and I still do rarely, but I still do ― and my instance happened over 30 years ago. Also, stop eating salt; that sometimes helps.
There is a homeopathic remedy which early on I used, and it made a HUGE difference in the frequency and severity of the dizziness. It is called Vertigoheel, distributed by Heel, in Montreal, Canada. Their website is www.heel.ca; for a description of the product, enter “vertigoheel” in their site search. The website includes a “store finder” but seems limited to retailers in Canada. I purchased it from http://www.zooscape.com. To find other sources of this product, you may need to contact the company directly by telephone or email. I used 3 tablets a day the first time I used it, and found thereafter to take just one whenever I felt woozy. You take these tablets by placing them on your tongue, and let them melt there, and don’t drink coffee for 24 hours before and after taking it, because coffee may antidote the effectiveness.
Anxiety is most likely the worst part of the entire situation, and, as I wrote in the letter to Elsa repeated above, it can be allayed by use of tranquilizers, wisely, and in small doses. Eventually the anxiety disappears, whether or not you use medications to help, but for several years I needed recourse to them from time to time, to deal with the automatic anxiety that occurred whenever I started spinning.
There is no way that you can reason yourself out of the anxiety, since the anxiety you experience is literally physical. It is the body attempting to balance itself from falling, and that always requires adrenaline and a panic response because the vertigo is so severe. Thus, to ignore the physiological anxiety by refusing to medicate is really foolish, because medication has its own uses, and in this case it is very necessary, just to keep your body on an even keel ― both emotionally and physically.
Finally ― and this is something I learned a few years ago ― there are little calcium crystals inside the inner ear, which properly function by floating in a fluid, and as you turn and change position, inform your brain whether you are upright or unbalanced or the like. They usually and normally float freely in the labyrinth (the inner ear). Sometimes, for reasons that are unclear, these crystals stop floating, and get caught in an odd position, which in turn causes vertigo. The condtion is called Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo. Here is a webpage about it: http://www.michiganear.com/bppv-fact-sheet.html As that page explains, there is a procedure that any knowledgeable doctor can do for you, whereby he or she turns your head in a certain direction, and revolves it in a step-by-step way, which re-adjusts the crystals, and almost always stops the vertigo immediately. If your situation is this, then print that page, and take it in with you to your doctor, and insist he or she read it, and do what needs doing. I have never had a doctor do this for me, because when my case was severe, apparently they did not know of this procedure. If I had severe vertigo now, I would not hesitate to have a doctor try the maneuver on me, or I might even try the self-styled maneuver, although the anxiety produced by the maneuver, until it works, is something you would have to prepare yourself for, and suffer through, and doing it alone might be overwhelming. Frankly, I think that most doctors have no inkling of how debilitating is the physiological anxiety that is produced by this phenomena. However, as you are too aware, it is overwhelming, and there is absolutely no way to reason your way out of it precisely because it IS physiological.
This WILL improve, but how long it will take depends a great deal on what physically caused it, even if, as I believe, all illness is caused by a state of consciousness that is changing or being obstructed, because it still manifests physically, and can therefore be treated physically. But do not let anyone belittle the seriousness of your predicament. In my own instance, it was completely debilitating. I might as well have been a helpless infant I was so badly turned literally upside down. So, this IS serious, even though it may not be life threatening. Do not hesitate insisting to your doctor how seriously debilitating it is.
No one takes
my life from me,
but I lay it down of my own accord.
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